papers are finally over, thank god. actually, it hasn't been a very miserable semester, but i wouldn't say much about the results. what will be will be, i tried, and that's all i can do. =)

going out with gen tomorrow! to shop shop shop and talk talk talk. i think i've got like loads to catch up with her, as well as qiuling, evan etc.. i miss all of them, whom i've not seen for so long! gosh, it's kind of amazing that time passes by so quickly, and it's that easy not to keep in constant contact. but at least, i know our friendship stand on strong foundations, and i could always msn or sms anyone to grumble or to talk.

the festive season at year's end always make me more appreciative of the people around me. and i want to try to atone for all the hurtful stuff i did earlier in the year, be it mean words and actions, or just neglect. but of course, i hope i am a better person in the new year.

somehow small things continue to affirm that we should not never give up easily, but hang on to the love we believe in. simple actions that touch the heart =)

一天内流了两次泪。

一次是因为感动。感觉自己幸福的被疼爱，也发觉有多想念，于是哭了。

第二次哭的原因，就不是那么清楚了。想你好好休息，不想为你添麻烦。于是拒绝了你的好意，却也伤了你的心，让你失望。也有一部分的我，每逢下雨时不想思考任何逻辑，不想面对别人，只想奔回家里搞自闭。无法解释，无法改变。

i know the illogical me drives you mad. but that's who i am. and it's that illogical part of me that you fell in love with, no? =p

yes i promise to be more logical. but you shouldnt make me do things i don't like!

i never really had a clear perspective of what's important in life. i used to think it was good grades, good degree. then i realised, i don't really want to define my life by a piece of paper. so now i've learnt just to do my best, and let it be. even if i don't get a good honours, that shouldn't stop me from exploring what i want to do, even though i still have no idea what it is.

kind of late to be lost in life, without an actual direction, when people were already wondering this question in their late teens. but a combination of people and environment has really put a fresh new perspective to my life. i hope i will always remember that a job is a job, although i hope to find one i am passionate about, and which i like doing. and i hope i will remember that to live every single day fully with the ones i love is the most important.

love keeps me grounded. =)

2 more papers, 2 more days!

there was once a friend's dad who praised her for being capable. and i wondered is it true. i wonder many nights if this capability is indeed that, or was i biased in viewing it as an unhealthy trait that made her so obsessed.

i was prepared for something like this to happen, but i didn't expect it to really happen. today was not really as disappointing as that day she stood us up, and then said thanks. so i wondered a slew of thoughts.

wonder if she knew what was passing by before her eyes, the feelings of those around her.
wonder if she knew that a young woman growing up, no longer aspired to be like her.

wonder if she knows that love is more important than work. that there are always people at home waiting, and lately, getting repeatedly disappointed.
wonder if she knows that her words no longer carry any weight, not to me.

in the mood for celebration, in the mood for christmas! even though i still have 4 papers daily from mon-thurs next week. haha madness.

lightening my mum's load from 3rd to 7th dec. so miss lee, we have to change to dinner if we're still meeting=) sorry about that!

quick! start booking me for some post-exams crazy gossiping!

watched a love comedy "2 days in paris" yesterday. and the ending struck a chord in me.

the movie mentioned that the lead couple has been together for 2 years, which is almost an eternity in this day. which got me thinking that the length of time together may not be an indicator of love, but it's a measure of how committed you are to each other, how you make an effort to stay together even in the process of learning and growing.

and it's true that in every relationship we hope that it'll be the one, but sometimes it ain't, and so you pretend it's ok and that you'll move on. but there will be a time when you know you won't be able to move on, that you will never love another as much again. so in spite of the many little flaws he has, how he likes to irritate you, you just want to keep on loving him. very sweet right?=)

may all my friends find that special love that last forever.. i know some already have! =)

p.s. a brave decision, but i like julie delpy

Lets101 Quizzes - fun online quiz

bored. 明星3缺1！

[yJ] says:
i 24 and 25 needa go out leh
[yJ] says:
my cousin's wedding
慧~ says:
haha 25th i oso gt a distant cousin wedding
慧~ says:
cant be same person hor
[yJ] says:
y so many cousin wedding
[yJ] says:
hhahahahaha
[yJ] says:
wah scarli same
[yJ] says:
whos ur cousin
[yJ] says:
scali i suddenly alot of cousins
[yJ] says:
hahaha
...
...
...
[yJ] says:
haha i tink different la
慧~ says:
haha
[yJ] says:
hahaha
[yJ] says:
scare me
慧~ says:
so we nt related!
慧~ says:
hahaha
慧~ says:
damn funny

lol

there's no such thing as a perfect couple. all there are are couples whose character complements each other, and who has enough mutual understanding to forgive misgivings.

灯火阑珊处，你会在吗？

the road ahead is still long..

i think she's trying to be a martyr, and perhaps kill him on the way through sheer exhaustion. haiz, falling apart. can a unit continue to move on by the sheer effort of one individual?

totally unrelated photos below.

gosh-i hate studying and i was much cuter 1.5 years ago

the starbucks paper bag is so nice! the two sides of the bag

the cake box! so nice also! haha

yes the tiny black blob is my oreo cheesecake! haha asked my bro to buy for me, to cheer myself up and gear for studying. =)

I Carry Your Heart With Me- E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it(anywherei go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

One Art - Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster

two lovely poems from In Her Shoes. I was re-watching it today. which means I didn't get down to studying much.

The first one is just lovely to read, so touching the tribute to all that one person could mean to you. The second laments how you could lose things everyday, and still not get used to it. In the movie, Maggie interprets the author as lamenting a friend and pretending that loss is something you can be accustomed to.

你说过“ I am fortunate to have you", 记得吗？

原本昨天向往的是个开心拍拖的日子，因为好久没看到你了。认为做什么都不重要，即使几个钟头也好，只要看到你，我心里的想念都会消失。结果，一天的最后，我累，我强颜欢笑，我装得若无其事，我伤心，也流了泪。

认真想，一开始，真的不应该住你家。很想对你说，我不想继续做父母不想我做的事，也不想继续骗他们。但我还是为了你，破例了很多次。然而，这一再的让步养成了你一种习惯，变成了我一种负担。让我伤心的是，你竟然觉得这是理所当然，无视于我的心情和努力，继续要求。每次得对你说 no，我心也痛，可你懂吗？又再重现前段恋情的挣扎-亲情？爱情？我不要选择

fortunate to have me? i don't really ever see that. how many times have you picked on my imperfections, and harped on them? how many times have you lamented what i am not, and explicitly wished i was better? is this your love to me? sometimes i feel tired, wondering how you claim to love me, but not everything about me? wondering if there were really a chance, you would have chosen someone else? wondering if i even tried, would you even notice? or just make more demands?

yes i know spending more time together is all you wanted, the reason behind your request. but knowing what i cant give, it breaks my heart.

at the end of yesterday, i really wondered how our relationship came to be like that? you making expectations, and me striving to meet them. at one point, i thought, it must be because i don't try hard enough, but now i just want to be me, and be loved for being me. i don't want to go on like this.

it was supposed to be a happy day, but the unhappiness overshadowed the joy.

maybe i'm just over-reacting, after all, one day together is not that much to ask for

小时候，总会在睡觉前对父母说声 goodnight! 然后开心地去作美梦。
现在，父母才是那早睡的人，对我说 goodnight 的人，我有时还爱理不理地回应。
而我的 goodnight 也情愿留给别人。 是否忘记了要给父母多点爱与关怀？

中学时期，超爱跟老爸老妈聊天的。有的没的，学校里的事，朋友的事，随便都能聊个1-2 钟头。不知几时开始，我不再这样陪伴着父母。 不在于他们是否明白我此时人生里的变化，而是在于我以忙碌为借口，情愿在 msn 对朋友诉说烦恼。什么事让我不再那么重视我身旁的人？

然而，在外面受到委屈，心情难过， 或极度疲乏厌倦时，我只想奔回熟悉的家。这个假期，是该找回那份家的温暖，关心我身边最疼我的人了。

忘了是怎么开始
或许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
爱真的很简单


感谢那时你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

进化成更好的人


parts of songs that struck me today, while listening to the radio.

had crabs and clams today, which made me want to learn cooking. simple dishes though! haha i definitely won't overestimate my own cooking prowess.

last blog in a long while ba. i need to stay offline and get mugging.

p.s i want a chalet and bbq!! please make it happen! thanks! =p

went to central yesterday after human language lecture. nothing to do there lehz!! so boring.. but at least i tried pasta de waraku! and i bought paper.. haha and now i shall always try to take random photos to post on my blog, so it'll be less boring!
the 'scenic' riverside view lol
the xmas tree at central, not very nice lehz.
the toilet ceiling wahaha
pasta de waraku!the nice decor outside the restaurant
i had two bowls of this salad, which had an unusual dressing. quite nice, but i don't like the purple veg. hahamy dinner! spicy prawn carbonarascallop and chicken doria (baked rice)
the place where i bought my cute paper!
so cute right!! 10 pieces of note paper for $2, the paper is scented! and buying 10 got me an envelope!
this is a very cute card! got 7 little chicks inside, so 7 people can buy this card, and each write their own little chick! i shall make people write this card for my next birthday! haha
the shop's plastic bag is also very nice!
my nice wedges! a happy me! =)

there is some kind of awkwardness i cant help feeling. too long we've not spoken in depth, too long we haven't met and updated on stuff happening. somehow i wonder, how can good friends not meet and not talk for so long, and talk only barely on msn? hmm

i crave a little solitude now. being around people makes me grouchy. i'm happiest staying at home

enjoying a lazy day at holland village, eating crystal jade and drinking starbucks caramel frappe. yay! it just makes doing hyperchem that bit more enjoyable. of course, that's not the only reason. not going to school makes me more relaxed. =)

enjoying my food

crystal jade egg tarts yum yum


the nice holland V starbucks

and the mirrors that make me have to take a photo


caramel frappe, yay!


sorry i spoilt the happy day with a tantrum.

conked out till 130pm today. after sleeping on saturday morning at 6am, waking at 1230pm, then sleeping this morning at 530am. haha totally screwed my body clock, but its going back to normal.

the reason for this craziness is weeinn's 21st birthday party! helped her out with decorations on friday night, and then played mahjong! i'm getting more pro! haha

waiting for the photos to be sent. hope you had a good time girl! =D

假如明天將消失了　趁現在我愛著

只想記得　被你抱著　溫熱的感受

多慶幸我是我　被你疼愛的我

緊緊牽住的手　不要放手　永遠守護我

我很快樂　你會了解我

　我不會再哭泣　是因為我相信

　我們勇敢的愛著　每秒鐘

　都能證明　一生的美麗

from love's beatiful *tanya chua

too bored with studying in school, so i changed a cute new skin! yay!! elmo is kidnapped. give me money to save him!!

chalet tonight and tomorrow! yay, can play mahjong!

mushrooooomm

what should i blog about you?

should i tell you that even though i always quarrel with you, when you're not around me, i miss you? miss your comforting warmth, miss your smile, miss your voice, miss your presence, miss you in my bones, body and heart.

should i tell you that i'm glad you are the opposite of me in character. cause you calm me down, keep me sane, and make me feel that there's hope, even when i am down or depressed.

should i tell you that sometimes when we quarrel, i wonder why i feel so 委屈, that i think of giving in or giving up so we don't have to quarrel anymore. and then i cry harder, knowing i cant bear to give up, cause of our love.

should i tell you that sometimes i just want to hold you for one moment, hug you tight, absorbing your warmth and your love, your smell and your touch. not saying a word, just basking in the wonderful knowledge that you love me.

i love you darling.

celebrated hong's 21st birthday the past saturday. went for kbox with the girls, before joining the 2b people for dinner at vila'ge heeren. supposed to be a surprise, but it seems destined that surprises are not meant to work. nevertheless, the birthday girl was touched!
kbox at cineleisure!
the girls with hong!
all the people who attended the party!


sunday, met the the 2b people again!! this time for marilyn's birthday, at eastpoint eatzi cafe. i was quite tired, so i stoned while the rest talked crap. but i was happy to see those lame emo people la, they are as usual, cute. lol
me! with one pig on the left, and one on the right!
us girls!
this is a totally lame photo. hanjing poser. haha
the birthday girl and 2b ppl =)

hope the two halloween girls had a good birthday!

and happy birthday to my dear brother, who turns 20 today!

excited about saturday. worried for you and you. stressed about exams. thinking i do not treat you well enough.

jumbled up, as per previous 3 entries. haha but i cant help it. blogging rubbish makes me feel better.